It’s been already 2 and a half months since Poojya Guruji left us bodily. I still can’t believe that this is real.
Just like all of you I too believed that he would always be there to tell me what to do every time I came to a block in life. In fact now when I look back I feel that his physical availability probably made me so dependent on him that I did not see the huge support system he had already created for me.
In one of my last few interactions with him I kept pleading to him for promising me that he will keep communicating with me just the way Baba communicates with him. And after pestering him for many times he finally said “yes dear I will communicate with you”. Right after he left his body, I started demanding from him for the proof of what he had promised me. In my foolish innocent manner I kept pleading to him and finally with sheer exhaustion and disappointment of not receiving any response from him I surrendered to silence. I felt lost and confused. I even felt a bit depressed with the betrayal from the person who taught me the meaning of truth. Guruji was the truth to me just like probably God is for many. And I felt cheated.
My silence was not a silence of a wise meditator nor was it of a trusting shishya; it was of a child sleeping after crying for a candy and not getting it from a father who promised to give one.
And then from deep darkness of my silence I received his words “ Keep on. Listen in silence. Life is just an exploration.” –
It was the moment of triumph, a moment of celebration; yes he is communicating with me, in my deep silence, It did not matter to him that my silence came from my hurt and pain or it came from my doubting his existence and his promise; he spoke to me like he promised, not by his voice but by my own thoughts.
I suddenly realized what is immortality. It is the presence of a spirit of one, living in many mortals.
He exists in me and in you.
He exists in our thoughts and in our intension.
Today I declare that my mourning is over.
My search for him in anything other than myself is over.
Now I am ready to carry his spirit in me.
Now I feel the energy to walk on the path he showed.
Now I am ready to be silent within and hear him speak through me.
But I can’t do this alone. I need you with me. Holding my hand in your silence.
You are my soulmate, my support system that he created for me and for you.
Together in our silent oneness we can walk through rivers and mountains.
Together we carry his spirit to every part of the world.
For we are the ambassadors of his love for humanity and joy of life.
anando 
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